7-Days Of Healing: Day 7
Obviously this is a bit different for me, as the person who created this 7-Days of Healing challenge. But like I said previously, I did this knowing I would be impacted just the same as someone else. I am a HUMAN HEALING, not a HEALED HUMAN.
This last week made me feel proud to write again, and write with intention. I’ve been pretty inconsistent with journaling recently, confused on how to speak to this new version of me being born. I never felt like the person on paper and the person inside were aligned. This helped me shift how I utilize journaling with more intention on taking notice of the different parts of me, (again, thank you IFS).
A challenge I did have with this week was that I felt guilty if I said I was going to do something and didn’t get the chance to follow through. Even if it was entirely out of my control, I still felt the guilt. This is what began to build tension in my body. Especially because I am posting this for the world to read. Then I remembered, that’s the point isn’t it? openly sharing my process of healing in hopes to inspire others to begin or continue with their journey too. I didn’t get to cook dinner this week nor take that self-care Goddess bath yesterday. I set the intention but fell short. However, I was given the chance to name my insecurities, see a new part of myself and recognize the triggers. Either way, I did take care of myself this week, just not the way I thought I was intended to.
One defense I experienced was my safety being triggered. I had to remind myself that I am spirit led. My spirit knows exactly what it’s meant to be doing and it will initiate that process at the expense of your mind and body without hesitation. This is what can pull us out of ALIGNMENT. Moments like this, you are forced to face your trigger, in my case, my safety. I am openly sharing intimates moment of my healing with the world, creating an opportunity to be attacked for it. Being someone who’s already gone through moments of feeling targeted and attacked, clearly I identified this as a trauma response. So this is what I am processing currently.
Feeling safe is required in order for me to function the way I need to and work the way I need to. I have horrible ANXIETY that cripples me if I am feeling unsafe. So that is number 1, and when something is not in my control I don’t feel safe. How people response to this week, is not in my control, therefore I am triggered and fear of judgment returns with a vengeance. But I feel differently because now I see fear of judgment at a part needing to be seen and nurtured. I don’t need to be on defense mode, ready to fight. I don’t need to SURVIVE anymore, I get to LIVE. Divinely Protected in ALIGNMENT with my PURPOSE, and processing these dark parts of me is how I become ENLIGHTED. This LIGHT I am meant to share, to brighten the path of another. This is my Journey to Healing!
-Steph <3
